The Age of Adaline (And Hello Young Harrison Ford)

The Age of Adaline

(And has Harrison Ford Found the Fountain of Youth Too?)

Recently the trailer for the upcoming film “The Age of Adaline” premiered on the big screen.  The film follows the story of Adaline, a young woman (portrayed  Blake Lively) who becomes immortal through a mysterious accident in 1935 (from the trailer, this presumably involves cold water and lighting. Who knew?).  She is permanently stuck at age 29, and as a result she must constantly change identities throughout the years.

While jokes have been made about how the story’s premise- “Oh poor Blake Lively, to be cursed with eternal youth and beauty!”- I honestly think there is a lot in Age of Adaline to draw an audience.

Though we may scoff at it, immortality has always held appeal for us mere mortals who constantly battle the limitations of time.  Perhaps most of all, we fear the idea that we may not have time to find love or happiness, or that we may waste time by not fully enjoying those we love.  The Age of Adaline takes that concern and reflects it in an unusual light.  

Though the main character is immortal, the primary story seems to be concerned with her internal conflict: how to live forever without a love that can last? While immortality is not a unique topic of story-telling, it is one to which we are repeatedly drawn. In the past several years alone this theme has played a role in  (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Tuck Everlasting, and the character of "Wolverine" in the X-Men films). However, Age of Adaline seems unique in its focus on a female protagonist who is simply trying to find the things that many of us want in life, keeping the heart of the story closer to home. 

If that doesn’t spark your interest, this also looks like a beautiful film.  The many decades covered in Age of Adaline offers an exciting view into many different eras of the past century.  I’m also coveting Lively’s wardrobe and hairstyles from the modern scenes.  It looks like the wardrobe people sent her to an Anthrology and let her walk out with the whole store.

And speaking of beautiful, Blake Lively isn’t the only person looking eternally young in this film. Watch the trailer and you will doubtless notice the actor who plays a younger version of Harrison Ford’s character. This young man, Anthony Ingruber, will have you flashing back to visions of Hans Solo in A New Hope. Relatively unknown to film audiences, Ingruber has a greater following in the realms of voice acting and Youtube. His speciality? Impressions. This includes impressions of yes, Ford, but also Jack Nicholson, Michael Fassbender, and even Sean Connery.   So though we don't get to hear him speak in the trailer for Age of Adaline, it is safe to presume that Ingruber will convince and fascinate us as a young Ford in the film. Check out his Youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/anthonyingruber

Whether it is because of the compelling theme of immortality, the love story, or the curiosity to see Harrison Ford’s dopppelganger, audiences have many reasons to go see The Age of Adaline  once the film hits theatres.  According to IMDb, it will be released on April 24, 2015.

Trailer:

A Review of Enfuselle Skincare & 10 Makeup-Free Selfies

I've met a lot of people who really care about what they put into their bodies, but I've met fewer who seem to really stop and consider the nutritional importance of what we put ON our bodies. Our skin is, after all, the largest organ, and we absorb all kinds of things-good and bad- through it!

Lately, there seems to be an increased awareness about healthy skin and hair products, hence the rise of DIY all-natural skin and hair products ala Pinterest. Believe me, I've tried many of them. There have been several moments in my life when I found myself coated from the shoulders up in various concoctions of olive oil, coconut oil, honey, and cocoa-powder. Man did I smell delicious.

It's fun to play with recipes on occasion, but if you all are like me, it's just not practical to smother yourself in oil for twenty minutes a day. Also, kind of greasy as a daily treatment. I've also tried other all-natural cleansers and products. I love Burt's Bees, for instance and I also like Simple. However, as a Shaklee girl, I really wanted to try what the company had to offer in terms of skincare, because with Shaklee the difference is not only the natural ingredients, it's also the scientific research behind the products.

So, I ordered some basics in Shaklee's skincare line (Enfuselle) and have been using them for about five weeks now. See below the  LOVELY pictures of my morning face-care ritual. I have on zero makeup in all the pictures.

Below read about the pictured cleansing process, including a description of each item I use and the review for each product (in the order in which they are pictured-from top to bottom, left to right)

Step 1: Coconut oil

Not Shaklee, but this stuff is amazing. I use it for all kind of things. In this case, as a dirt and oil remover.       

The process: Take just about a dime size amount and rub it all over your face (upward motions only!) Then remove with some warm-water soaked cotton balls. 

Results: This not only gets the makeup off, it also adds a little extra moisture. 

Step 2: Enfuselle Hydrating Cleansing Lotion

 Description from Shaklee.com:

   " The creamy emulsion of this rich cleanser lays the foundation for your beauty regimen, dissolving     dirt, pollutants, and makeup without disturbing your skin's natural oils. Its hypoallergenic, soap-free, pH-balanced formula contains extra skin-softening vitamin E and other rich emollients. And triple-patented Vital Repair® Complex to neutralize free radicals and protect against prematurely older-looking skin. The result is smooth, balanced, glowing skin with a brighter tone. (Paraban free & Hypoallergenic)"

The process: Take about a nickel-sized amount and add a tiny bit off warm water. This cleanser gets very nice and lathery.  Rub in (again, upward) circles on your face. It's very creamy and soft.  It's not scented but it does have a soothing, cool aroma. Rinse off with water or a warm washcloth.

Results:  My skin feels soft and refreshed after (not "glowing"yet, but good). 

Cost:$20.10 retail price, $17.10 for members.

Step 3: Enfuselle Hydrating Toner

Description from Shaklee.com:

Our Hydrating Toner's alcohol-free formula evaporates quickly without drying skin. Witch hazel and chamomile extracts protect natural oils, clarify, and leave skin soft and smooth.

The process: soak a cotton ball in this stuff and smooth all over your face, concentrating in areas you feel need particular attention. I love to focus on my under-eye area. 

Results: Instantly less puffy under eyes and a pleasant (and definite) tingle! I love this one; it's totally different than any other toner I've tried. It's not a make-up remover toner...it's a skin rejuvenation toner. Love it.

Cost: $15.70 retail, $13.35 member price. 

Step 4: Enfuselle C &E Repair PM

Description from Shaklee.com

This patented skin-activated formula contains high levels of bio-pure vitamins C (10%) and E (5%) to instantly soften the skin and reverse the visible signs of aging while you sleep. With continued use, skin appears transformed as it recaptures youthful firmness and luminosity. Exclusive non-irritating formula and paraben free.

Clinically proven: 223% decrease in appearance of skin wrinkles in two weeks. 120% increase in skin resilience and firmness in two weeks. 209% decrease in skin's visible fine lines in eight weeks. 32% increase in retained skin moisture in eight weeks. A definitive evening of skin tone in 12 weeks.

The process: Take a TINY dot (as pictured), and smooth over your skin. It's very spreadable. I focus on any problem areas- anywhere I struggle with acne or foresee lines occurring. A little goes a LONG way. They recommend applying this before bed so it has time to absorb on your bare skin.

Results: At first I was hesitant to order this because it is expensive (but definitely better with a member discount). I'm so glad I DID order it though, because this stuff lasts forever and is by far my favorite skincare product, and I have heard others say so as well. It's like MAGIC. It creates the glow. 

Cost: $56.05 retail, $47.65 member price. 

The final picture in the series was taken in full-on light immediately after Step 4 with no makeup or filters.  I'm really grateful for these skincare products and excited about the results I am seeing!

If you are interested in learning more about Enfuselle, Shaklee, or member discounts, please let me know and I would be happy to talk to you!

*PLEASE NOTE* I'm not using all of the Enfuselle Skincare items; there are many more not featured in this post. I'm only reviewing the items that I personally use. I'm planning to try others in the future.

Why I'm a Shaklee Girl

Many of you may have heard me mention using Shaklee supplements over the past few months, and I wanted to offer some information about this company and explain why I support it. Since there are many trends today in home-marketing products, it might be easy to assume this is a "trend" I recently got into. However, that is so far from the truth!  I am not "into" Shaklee right now; I have actually been using the products since I was about five years old.  I've seen the efficacy of these natural products for years, and as an adult I am also beginning to appreciate more about the company: what it stands for, the research behind the products, and the goals it has for its members. The reason you may have heard me talk about Shaklee more frequently over the last few months is that I have decided to invest more in this company as a business. I was promoted to the rank of director about a month and a half ago, which gives me the opportunity to grow financially through sharing the products.

As a Zumba instructor, it makes me happy to earn a little extra income through getting to make people feel happier and healthier.  However, as much as I love Zumba, the potential to impact people's health and wellness positively is much greater through Shaklee and its products. This is because it's about more than weight-loss or heart health (while those are both great things). It's also about all-natural, clinically-proven mental-health, bone & joint health, skin health, allergy relief, beauty, weight management, immune-system boosting and so much more.  It's about a holistic, preventative approach to health. I want to be in the business of helping people improve their quality of life, and considering my history with Shaklee, it just made sense to finally partner with the business side of this company! Here is an overview of what makes this company unique.

What is Shaklee?
Shaklee was developed as a company by Dr. Forrest Shaklee in 1956  It is known as the "Number 1 Natural Nutrition Company in the US."  They are committed to products that are effective and natural, with no negative side effects. These products are based on the holistic approach of promoting wellness. Traditional medicine treats the symptoms of illness, but the intent behind the Shaklee approach is to promote wellness and prevent the symptom-causing issues from occurring in the first place.

What makes it different?
Ingredients: Shaklee uses natural, safe, and sometimes rare ingredients in all of their products. To me, this is particularly unique in the company's cleaning products (Basic H is an incredibly effect stain-remover, yet safe enough that a baby could accidentally drink it and be just fine).  I also really appreciate this in Shaklee's beauty products, Enfuselle (paraban/SLS free/allergen free/alcohol free/infused with vitamins). You won't find anything else as good for your skin, especially not within Shaklee's skincare price range. In fact, the formula and content of many of these products are patented, so you won't find it anywhere else.

Research: Shaklee's laboratories have spent 100s of millions of dollars (The Shak. Diff.) in research and development of these products. Additional money is spent on the numerous clinical trials that go into research the products' efficacy. Shaklee also sends out products to be tested by other companies in blind trials. Futhermore, these studies are made available for YOU to read in the catalog and on the Shaklee Web site, so you can check them out before your order any products.

Longevity: This company is not a trend. It has been around since the 1950s, effectively making it the hipster of natural nutrition (did it WAY before it was cool). Furthermore, there are families of Shaklee enthusiasts who have been supporting and loving Shaklee and it's products for generations. This company is thriving, it is huge, and it is not going anywhere.

Earth Love:  Shaklee is the first company in the word to obtain climate neutral status certification. It offsets its own co2 emissions and thus has zero carbon footprint. The company also part of the "Million Trees movement" and has partnered with numerous other healthy earth projects such as: solar powered lighting, resource conservation,wind energy and fuel conversion.

What can it be to you? Shaklee has the potential to offer a wide array of benefits to you and your family. Maybe there is one product that will help make your life easier. Maybe you are looking for a safe, natural alternative to prescription drugs for anxiety or focus. Maybe you are looking for cleaning products that are safe for your children to be around, or a simple weight loss system that will also provide you with the nutrition you need. I'd be happy to talk to you about any needs you have, and help guide you in the right direction.  On the other hand, maybe you are looking to overhaul your whole approach to health in general. Maybe you want to get started with the all the basics.  If you try it out and love the products as much as I do, maybe the business side of this company has appeal to you. I know that the thought of working from home, earning an income from helping people live healthier lives has a great appeal to me.  I'm new to this whole aspect of Shaklee, but if you are interested in partnering with me in this business, please let me know and I will give you all the help I can!

The final thing I want to share with you is a list of my favorite products, which I will be posting about individually in the future. If you would like to read about them now, just follow the below link to my personal Shaklee Web site and find them there. You can also become a member and/or order products directly from this site (you do not have to be a member to order, but membership gives you a slight discount).

My site: katiegustafson.myshaklee.com

My favorite Shaklee supplies: 

Mindworks
Basic H
Enfuselle Skin Care
180 Weight Loss: Energizing Smoothies and Meal/Snack Bars
Meal Shakes
B-Complex
Stress Relief
Alfalfa & Herb Lax
Defend and Resist Complex & Immunity Fizz

Resources: 

"The Shaklee Difference." Youtube. Web. Accessed 15 Nov. 2014

"About Us." Shaklee.com. The Shaklee Cooperation (2000-2014). Web. Accessed 15 Nov. 2014.

M-I-SS-I-SS-I-PP-I: An Evocation

“M-I-Crooked Letter-Crooked Letter-I- Crooked Letter-Crooked Letter I- Humpback-Humpback-I”

I remember the magic of learning that little expression, of being able to spell such a long word at the tender age of six.  I remember crying because it was supposed to be on the first grade spelling test that week, and I remember sitting on Anne Hammer’s couch while she taught me the trick the all kids must learn. I’m thinking about that now because I’ve just misspelled it. At the ripe old age of twenty-five, I have just written “Missippi” in my journal.

 There are a couple of excuses I could use for that, I guess.
The first would be that article some paper my dad just showed me, the headline reading “Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement.”  The headline could be a joke of itself, in keeping with the dry humor of this humid place, however it could have been an honest mistake. Neither would really surprise me, and I guess there’s really no way to know.
 The other reason I could have misspelled it would have to be the heat.

Something I’ve noticed is that the heat plays the scapegoat of many happenings around here.  The hot, wet air, with no relief of immediately nearby beaches, acts like a wet blanket which covers the whole state of Mississippi. I suppose this same heat cultivated the whole culture of the South, to some extent, at the point of its origin.  Plantations. White ladies in tight dresses, fanning their faces. Black slaves made to do hot work in the cotton fields and kitchens.  The culture which peaked to a head of division between cultures, with anger and resentment on both sides. Some justified. Some ignorant. There’s still a lot of rage in Mississippi between races, not everywhere, but definitely in certain places. It's a rage that undulates constantly beneath changes in fashion and politics. In those lines of fury where no reason can be found, it’s hard to see how such things can ever be solved.

But we were talking about heat, and I guess in the end, a lot of that rage goes back to heat, too. Injustice growing in a rich, fertile land, both nurtured by a hot sun. So plentiful and full of life, life must be poured out of Adam’s brow to earn the full reapings. Too much work for most.

So things grow here, but profit only grows by incredible amounts of sweat. Nature threatens to reclaim constantly, and you see many people outdoors making sure it doesn't do just that. At the same time, many folks are alright with just letting it. Houses and roads lost to the over and undergrowth. Old tractors and trailers and automobiles make offerings to the vines which then consume them. Things are not thrown away-NOTHING is thrown away- it is destroyed slowly by nature until it is almost nothing. But still there is enough hint for memory to see. Meanwhile, porch culture and Lipton are generational traditions.

The sun bleaches everything, too, until nothing but the blue sky and green grass looks new. Buildings, roads and parking lots are all that pale, grey color, like the life has been sucked out of them.  Cars look older. Anything exposed to the elements becomes quickly aged. In the greyness of the outside, the home becomes a destination to create your own society. To find life, you have to look there…there, and also to the sun, the animals, the trees, the ponds, the people.

The people are affected too. Less clothes are worn in general, and lots of folks are larger (the heat has made physical exertion more difficult despite the presence of fried…everything). Things are not done, they are “gotten around to”.  It takes longer to say things here, so extra syllables must be added to give the speaker  adequate time.  Everything takes great effort, you don’t just say you gave someone a ride to the grocery store, you “carried them” over to that grocery store.

The heat makes everything slower, older.  Time itself is slowed down to the point of going backwards, to a place that modernity has forgotten, for better or worse. When I rumble down the country road which stretches between the house and the small, country town a few miles away, I have to marvel in the serenity of a pace which, for all its faults, exists nowhere else I’ve ever been.

Zumba Instructor Training: 10 Things to Know

I've been a lover of the Zumba for years now, and I wondered a lot before I went about what all the training involved to become an instructor. There's not a ton out there in terms of  what to expect. Therefore, if you are a Zumba fanatic and decide to get started on your path of becoming a Zumba instructor, here are some things you can anticipate for your training. I wanted to get this down while it's still fresh.

1. It's expensive to sign up, and I recommend doing it early and intentionally. I registered in April for the June training, which lowered the price somewhat. However, it was still $$$.  That being said, you CANNOT teach "Zumba" as "Zumba" without this training. If you are wanting to do it, make sure you are serious about it and budget for it as an investment/ plan ahead.

2.   You need to bring a lot of stuff that day.  I brought: an overnight bag  stuffed with three giant water bottles, three changes of exercise clothes, deodorant and bodyspray, my paperwork, a journal, a pen, my wallet,an extra pair of athletic shoes (in case the arches in my dance shoes weren't up to it) and a box of protein bars.
 Some others brought less, and many others brought all that PLUS coolers with their lunches, chairs and/or yoga mats for the lectures and cutely coordinated Zumba accessories. I can see the benefit of a yoga mat and a towel. Overall, I think that the things I brought worked for me-I didn't really need anything special to sit on, and the protein bars were fine for me throughout the day. I also feel more comfortable the less things I have to keep up with.  However, if you go, keep this list in mind as  reference. I think I was the only I saw who had body spray. I was proud of myself on that call. It was a good call.

3. Did I say three changes of clothes??? YES I did. They tell you beforehand to bring three. Why? LOTS OF SWEAT. SO MUCH SWEAT. I honestly did not expect to sweat so much, but several hours of Zumba throughout the day combined with the fact that there were about 60 other people dancing in the same medium-sized room resulted in a great deal of perspiration. It's not like you dance ALL day. There are several breaks and a couple of lectures. However, I would not reccomend going if you don't feel like you are at least in pretty good shape. I'd been working out a lot for several weeks before I went-lots of jogging and Zumba at home and in class. I had a blast dancing all day. Even though I was tired/sore at the end of it, I never felt like "OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP FOR A SEC" during the day. I could tell there were a few people who were not anticipating the physical aspect as much and they looked pretty miserable at the end. However, most of the people in my particular training seemed to be fit and pumped for the exercise. So if you go, I would recommend conditioning for it for awhile beforehand. For me, this made the day so much more fun than if I hadn't done so.

4. Be prepared to learn things about teaching Zumba that you didn't know! I learned a whole lot of new things about the formula used to choreograph the dances,  the fitness aspect of the program, and the importance of Latin rhythms to Zumba. Just the basic steps for the basic rhythms are a lot to rememberI had no idea it was as complex as it is!

5. Be prepared to get called up in front of EVERYBODY.  My trainer did this several times, putting individuals and groups on the spot to lead the entire group and MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO.  We'd all be doing a group routine and then he would just point to somebody and they'd have to run up there and lead.  I had a turn up on the stage and that was probably the scariest part, but it was also really cool.

6. Be prepared to sign up for ZIN (The Zumba Instructors Network), and bring your credit card. While you are at the training, you will learn that you can't do a whole lot as a Zumba instructor without signing up for ZIN. It helps you find jobs, gives you a Web site, allows you to attend future trainings, recieve monthly CDS and DVDS with new music and routines from the home office and gives you huge discounts on everything from insurance to Zumbawear. You have to have a credit card to sign up, and it is about $30 a month. From someone who is pretty poor, I'm just going to tell you that it's already been worth $30.


7. Here is a run-down of what your day will look like. Since you may have to travel a few hours to get to your location, you may opt to spend the night at a hotel near the location. Many folks did that.That wasn't really in our budget, so we left around 5:30 a.m. I have the best husband in world who drove me 2 hours both ways through the crazy Atlanta traffic. I love that guy. :-)

Schedule-ish

Registration
*Master class (1 hour to 1 1/2)- Intense and fun, great workout and start to the day
(Change clothes to set 2 because SWEAT)

Lecture about class layout/importance of warm up

*Practice choreographing a warm up (pulled people up on stage here)

*Learn the basic steps for the Merengue and practice to music. We were divided up into "dance groups" for each Latin rhythm we learned for the day.

*Learn basic steps for Salsa (same format)

Lunch break
 (Change clothes again)
Lecture/Explanation of ZIN

*Dancing with practice using verbal vs. visual cues

*Learn basic steps for the Cumbia

Explanation of choreography/putting it together

Practice

Break

*Basic Cumbia steps and putting it together

*Basic Reggaeton steps  and putting it together

(Change clothes AGAIN)

Lecture

Review

DONE!

*Note, wherever there is a *, it means that this part involved actually doing quite a bit of Zumba, so you can see there is a lot of movement throughout the day, though it is nicely spread out.

8. During all this, be sure and take the opportunity to learn from watching other people and ask questions! Almost everyone is coming from a different class, so you see lots of great movement and a variety of styles.

9. Since I went to the training Saturday, I really feel like I have so much MORE to learn. They give you DVDs to review the basics that you learned, and I have been working on that. You also have to develop your first class, get to work on marketing, ect.  Your work really starts once you've done the training. However, it's FUN. I'm not complaining! I really felt the training gives you all the tools you need to get started, what you do from there is at your own pace and level of interest!

10. HAVE FUN!  If you love Zumba and have seriously thought about instructing, I think you would have a blast and learn so much through doing this training!

Secrets EXPOSED

Readers and social media friends, I have been keeping things from you. Big things. Here they are:

1. In about one month, Dane and I will be moving to a small town in Mississippi.

 It is a VERY small town: old-school, countryside, abundant in rich-characters and hilarious anecdotes, lots of quiet out in the country tempered by the fact that most of my extended family will be nearby (and believe me, it's an entertaining bunch). I'm thinking that writing ideas will abound.

2. We will be moving into my great-grandparents farm home

Which is full of good memories and in need of a little TCL. The plan is that we are going to live there for awhile, sprucing the place up a little and having some of our space.  Dane and I are not planning to settle in Mississippi forever at the moment, just spending some time there while we are...

3. Going back to school

I was accepted into a Masters program through SNHU awhile back. I am really excited about the program, which places an emphasis on both English Literature AND Creative Writing. I am hoping it will help me in my own writing, open up more secondary teaching opportunities, and provide a stepping stone to my ultimate goal of getting a PhD and being able to teach at a college level. Financial Aid is worked out, and I am excited! The program is long-distance/online.

Dane has an Associates Degree and wants to complete his bachelors degree. He loves technology and has also enjoyed working in a laboratory.  He is also interested in some of the Web/Graphic Design programs at SNHU, Liberty online, and a couple of other places. There is also a possibility that if he gets a job at one of the companies he has applied to, he could have certain certification programs paid for by the company. He's really excited about that possibility. Speaking of work...

4. New Jobs...a leap of faith

We have things in the works, though not yet solid.  It's a little bit of a leap of faith. We have some savings, but not a lot. We will have less expenses, but obviously will need to make a living.

 Dane is really hoping to get a job at one of two big companies which recently opened up in the area, and I think he really has a chance at one. One of the companies is kind of a techy corporation, and the other one is in airplane manufactoring. Both of these areas are extremely interesting to him, he qualifies for several job listings, and the jobs all have great benefits.  He has recently sent in several applicatons, and we are hopeful. It's amazing that there are just now opportunities to work at these big companies in this small of a town.  He's planning to work fulltime and go to school part-time or fulltime, depending on what happens.
 I am planning to work part-time and go to school fulltime. I recently was certified in Wilson Reading System (after spending two years on my practicum). This is a system which teaches children or adults how to read from the beginning, and it is especially effective for those with learning disabilities. I am hoping to offer this, along with my ability to tutor in other areas (SAT, various academic courses) around the area. I am also becoming licensed to be a Zumba instructor next weekend. I'm so excited! I love Zumba-it has helped me feel so much better this year, both physically and emotionally. I have been working really hard to get in good shape, and I am excited to bring dance fitness to a town which does not have it locally (Yes, you heard me, there is NO Zumba in Ellisville). I also have a small Shaklee business which I might try to build alongside the Zumba fitness. Project Healthify Mississippi!  I am a little scared, but mostly excited!

5. Who knows what next?

So as you can see, lots of changes in the works for us. We realize that these changes probably seem extreme and sudden to you, but we've been working on them for awhile. We've thought and prayed over them and have a peace about it all.  We are excited!

Stolen Time and Missing You

 For my mom.
Some things I'm feeling as year 1 without my mom comes to a close. It's not really poetry-even though I wrote it in that style, I wouldn't call it a poem. And it's not edited or anything. It's just stuff that needed out.

Growing up it was...
Camping trips and silly songs
Playing with and learning from you,
Only a family of three, but it was okay.
We were tight.
Then our world shifted for the first time: dad was sick.
And you stepped in to become someone you weren't.
Even then, bearing the hardness of life,
You were a spark: fiery and full of light.
I never, until now, knew the way you glued us.
Held everything together.
How did you do that?
You held me together, always.
The only one who truly knew me.
Who would I be without you?
Who am I without you?
Feeling lost.
My foundation, my heart: broken
When I remember...
And my childhood feels stolen.


Two years ago was my wedding day.
The happiness there and everyone together.
The hopefulness of memories to come.
It feels like another life
I am too young to be ancient
But here it is -
A heart so fractured,
It is worn out.
I see my friends at this "same" stage of life
Newlyweds, big family trips, babies coming
Supposedly that's where I am?
Hard to imagine, though I may look the part. I don't know.
Do I fool anyone? Sadly, I think I do.
I shake my head and feel the loss
Of time taken away,  moments that will not come to pass.
Things you cannot-I cannot-we cannot be.

One year ago I got the call.
It was 7 a.m. and you were drowning in the air
I raced across town, making it in five, wishing I had spent the night.
Dad and Granny were there, holding your hands.
I took one and you opened your eyes, the first time in two days.
There were white tear stains around them. You didn't want to leave yet.
Then you did something unheard of
And, against the odds, took your own moment from time.
You looked at me and said so much, in that long moment.
Beautiful, blue eyes full of sadness and love.
No words, but pages, written there
In  an exquisite moment that I will always remember.
Then you left.

Despite my bitterness,  I do know you weren't truly stolen.
Your time here, your life, our family, it was a gift.
Beautiful and transient.
And now I try to shuffle through
The memories of past and future
Try to figure out what is left for me, without you.
There is life left, but it is different.
Nothing is the same without you in it,
Your joy, and fun, the glue you were is missing.
Family, future, childhood, adulthood
I can't seem to feel anything the same way.
The loss of you is ever-present.

I'm living now, and it's a gift that you taught me to appreciate.
 I will carry some of your dreams with mine.
Try to love the way you showed me. "Love God. Love others. Love is a verb."
And mom, every day, I will love you.
I won't stop. I couldn't.
 I love you.

Not just a "Cancer Book:" How Hazel and Gus teach us about living through the experience of dying

Early on in The Fault in Our Stars (TFIOS), Hazel Grace Lancaster explains to the reader that her favorite book, An Imperial Affliction, is written by the only person she's ever met who "A. Understands what it's like to be dying, and B. has not died."  For a girl with termial cancer who worries about the effects her death will leave behind, it is a very, very personal book and  her great obsession.

An Imperial Affliction, is a book that Hazel  loves so much it is difficult for her to discuss with others. It is  "a book so special and rare and (hers) that advertising affection for it felt like a betrayal."

Strangely, these sentiments of Hazel toward her favorite book resonate with some of my own feelings about one of my own favorite books....Can you guess what it is? The Fault in Our Stars 

I have personal reasons for loving this book. It has meant a great deal to me in a very difficult time. It meant a lot to my mom when she was sick, and it was the last book she read. It also meant a lot to my dad. That's all I'm going to say about that.  I know that many people resonate with the themes in this story, which is why I am blogging about it, but part of me also feels, like Hazel, that this is "my" book. 

Unlike Hazel, I do not find it difficult to advertise TFIOS. Especially since the film has come out recently, I have taken many opportunies to talk to people about John Green and his books, and encourage fellow movie-goers to read the book as well (I thought the movie was a really wonderful adaptation btw). I really want people to read that book, because even though I have personal attatchments to it, there are  so many messages in the book itself which are important and relevant to anyone. It's "my book", but I feel like it can and should be "your book" too.

Despite my enthusiasm for this novel, the sheer volume of metaphors and ideas within it make it very difficult for me to discuss verbally.  A conversation about the book may start this way:
"Have you read The Fault in Our Stars??? It's so good. Like so good. You really need to read it."
Then things quickly become like that scene from Elizabethtown when a drunk Chuck desolves into a puddle emotion and starts jabbering "Death and life and life and death...right next door to each other...there's like...there's not a hair between them!"

Then I just want to scream:

"ALL THE FEELS!!!!"

It's just so blastedly difficult to adaquately verbalize my love for this book!!! However, I have picked out a few of aspects about TFIOS which I think are very important, and I am going to try to (briefly) point them out. Goodness, this brevity thing will be tricky.

1.  Most kids think they are immortal, right? Not the kids in TFIOS. Kids with cancer have an overwhelming awareness of dying, of the life they would want to live if they were healthy, and of the loved ones they will leave behind. We are all dying, yet this awareness is not one that we all have. However, it is an awareness that we will, at some point, all experience. Everyone will reach that point of regrets and wondering what life would be like if there was "just more time". Sounds depressing right? Well, as Hazel Grace points out on the first page of TFIOS "Depression is not a symptom of cancer, it's a symptom of dying."  At the beginning of the book, she is depressed. Not only is she dying, she is not really living. This book is about embracing the truth of our own mortality while still choosing to live a life that is real and full. It's a brave thing to do, not just for kids with terminal cancer, but for anyone who's alive.

2.A long with learning to embrace both living and dying comes the topic of "oblivion" (AKA Augustus Waters' greatest fear). He fears no one will know or remember who he is. However, as the love story between these two characters develops,  he finds merit in not only being loved widely but deeply. There is infinite value in choosing carefully what and who you will make your mark on and embracing the beauty and pain that comes with those careful choices. "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers."-Augustus Waters

3. TFIOS  will make you thankful for small things, and it will make you more aware of the struggles of others. If you are healthy, it will make you grateful for having two legs and two eyes and lungs that work. It will make you grateful for being able to work and play and travel, for being able to plan return trips and mean it. It will make you grateful for going out to resturants or the mall, or driving your own car, or drinking a glass of wine.  It will also make you more aware of a less acknowledged symptom that sick people face: loss of independence and wounded identity. There is a heart-wrenching scene which is well-acted by Ansel Elgort (Augustus in the movie) where he has to pull  over at a gas station, unable to get out of his car, unable to do anything but cry and throw up. "I just wanted to do something normal!" he screams, agonized. Anyone who is familiar with long term or serious illness can relate to this, but sometimes we forget how important it is to be grateful for those "little things." If you can do it, then do it. We will all reach a point where we will realize how lucky we once were.

4. Speaking of that, did you know that 1 out of 3 people will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in their lifetime? Don't forget that sick people are still people. People with cancer are not non-people, which means they are not better or worse than other people. They just have to put up with a lot of unfair sh**. I think it's important that we remember that. We don't need to turn people into angels before they die, or even after. W Augustus Waters fears oblivion, and many people with cancer fear that the disease will not only kill them, it will take away who they are, and how people see and remember them. TFIOS reminds us that sick people are just that, real people who have a sickness wrecking their bodies.  It's important to our friends who are sick not dehumanize them, not to make them into saints or ghosts. Remember 1 out of 3.

5. This is a real love story. As much as I enjoy (even the kind of fake) sappy, romantic stuff, real love stories are few and far between. It's about  real boy and a real girl, right on the brink of an adulthood that they are unlikely to reach. And there are real parents too: caring, smart, devoted, overprotective, in-denial parents, not annoying sitcom parents. How unusual is that? Also this  is not Twilight. Nobody is perfect, physically or otherwise. More than that, these characters aren't  even "normal" in that typically boring, Hollywood way either. Hazel and Augustus are witty, clever, and hilarious. They are deep and adventurous beyond their physical limits. They are scared and depressed and happy and in love. You feel their love story. You feel what they feel so deeply that they become part of you and stay with you long after you finish the book.

6. "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities," -Hazel always knew her life would be short, and had given up on the things she wished her life could have in it. She had become happy with making her parents happy and "minimalizing the casualties". However, Augustus saves her from a "dead life". Their love brings a lifetime of experience to both of them. Though the "infinity" they share is shorter than other infinities, it it is still an  experience of love with no bounds (infinite).  It is shorter, but no less rich, than the love stories of others. Whether you are sick, or healthy and grateful, or scared of really living (I think this should sum up pretty much all of the human population), this story of two teens who loved so boundlessly within numbered days should inspire you.

So I really hope that you will read this book, and maybe "my book" will become one of "your books."

Angels and Demons: My two cents

 My God sent his angel and shut the lions’ mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before him; and also before you, O king, I have done no harm.

-Daniel 6:22

 And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world— he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.

-Revelation 12:9 

 I know many people who believe in some kind of vauge idea of God, but do not allow themselves to believe in much beyond that. They think Jesus is a cool guy, but would be embarassed to call him "Lord."  Heaven has developed as a picture in the collective mind of our culture as something like the golden palace at the end of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves"...Angels are thought of as people who wear white robes and strum  on harps. And demons? No one really likes to talk about them, unless it's the YA Fiction writers who don't seem to have a solid knowledge or interest in the "side of good"(And hey, not trying to be a hypocritical here...I've read The Mortal Instruments series-and things like it-and enjoyed it for what it was. Theologically accurate not being one of those things that it was...). 

 So who believes in angels and demons? Really? Who thinks it's important in everyday life?

Well, I do, and I wanted to say so.

 I am not an expert, and I don't even have a lot of time to write about this, but a recent experience has reminded me of the realness of these beings and the role they play in our lives. I wanted to say something about angels and demons, because I think that people are in the middle of a war that they can't even see. 

What kind of war? I'll tell you this, it's not a war between winged babies and some kind of prosthetic creature off of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

If you do not have the Holy Spirit, beware. Demons can come in. They can influence you not only indirectly, but also directly. Some of you may be offended by this, but it is not meant to be offensive. These are greater beings than you and I, and only a close relationship with God will act as a protection from a direct attack or possession. People don't like to talk about this, but the fact is, it does happen. Personally, I interned at a mental hospital and I have seen things and heard stories that cannot be explained by mental instability alone. Many times these stories involve not only bizarre and demonic behavior but also superhuman strength. 

  They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. ² When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. ³ This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. ⁴ For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. ⁵ Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones. ⁶ When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. ⁷ He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” ⁸ For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”
-Mark 5:1-8

 In other countries, the phenomenon of demon possession is commonly acknowledge, but in America we like to put other names on it and make scary movies about it so we can believe it is not real. I fear for my friends who are not believers, and I pray for their protection from such occurences.

Many times in the New Testament, Jesus commands the demons to come out, and they always do. A relationship with Jesus, wherein His Holy Spirit lives in you, prevents demons from coming inside of you. But can they still influence you? 

Indirectly, yes, I believe the answer is yes.

Have you ever read The Screwtape Letters  by my favorite guy, (besides my husband and dad) Mr. C.S. Lewis? I was talking to a friend who has read half of it recently and she said that whenever she's try to read the book, she has experienced spiritual assault.  Interestingly enough, the book itself is about spiritual assault. But what is spiritual assault, you might be wondering?

Well, I am not sure what it looks like for everyone, but I have an anecdote of what it looks like for me. For me, it comes in the form of temptation. Temptation towards things which I know are would not quite line up with Biblical advise. Things which tug on the edge of my own discernment as a Christian. Sometimes small things are bigger for one person in this regard than it would be for others. I think of it as opening a door. If Satan can tempt you into opening one small door, than he can get you through another, and another. The end goal for this kind of influence in the believer is not the loss of salvation (that cannot be taken away) but a transformation of a believer's lifestyle into one that is not God-honoring. Basically, if you are a Christian but are not living a life that reflects God's love, then you are not growing or helping others to find life.
The doors can be small, here are some basic examples:

"Can you believe how trashy that person was at church today?"  Tearing down the Body instead of building it up. 

"He'll think I look so hot in this bikini" Causing someone else to stumble. 

"I want everyone to see me the way I want them to see me" (HELLO SOCIAL MEDIA)- idolatry of self

I was thinking about all of this recently when I experienced spirtual assault recently in the way that it has come at me on and off in my life-through my dreams.  I don't think this is super common for most people, but let me tell you about it-

 I have always been an avid dreamer. I have some of the most complicated, story-driven dreams of anyone I know. It's wonderful to have adventures in my sleep and experience a whole realm that couldn't exist in the real world. However, I have also always been more susceptable to attack in my dreams. It started when I was little with nightmares. One of my worst fears would play out, and then it would be something more, a feeling of fear which was not equivalent to the experience of the dream. A weight on my chest. A nightmare but worse. Infrequent and discernable from regular nightmares.

After I became a Christian, my mom taught me that, if I realized within my dream that it was no ordinary dream, I should call out  the demon and cast it out of my dream in the name of Jesus Christ. You wouldn't think that would be super practical in a dream. Well, guess what? It has worked every time I have needed it since then (and this has only happened a handful of times when I have been aware of it.)

It hasn't happened in awhile, but the other night I had fallen susceptable to a temptation that I shouldn't have (I was avoiding that fact).  When I went to sleep, there was the dream. Starting out as a nightmare, but then, mid-dream, I realized that it wasn't.  The villain in my dream was a big man, inhumanly strong, fighting off three other men to get to me. I jumped in front of him and yelled "Demon!" at him. He froze, shaking. Suddenly I was shaking. His eyes were red and he stared at me, vibrating rage. In the dream, it felt like my lips could hardly move. "Jesus' name" I managed to whisper over and over. "In the name of Jesus Christ begone." 

I instantly woke up, still whispering the words and shaking. I grabbed Dane's hand and woke him up, praying aloud. Suddenly, I felt a comfort surrounding me. You guys might not believe me, but I think there were angels in the room. I knew that I had left a door open where Satan could wiggle into my dreams, and, clear as a voice in my head,  I knew what I needed to do to remove the temptation which had opened it.

I believe that Angels are still on the earth as God's messengers, and I believe they are protectors and comforters. I do not picture them as Valentine's Day cupids, but as great celestial warriors. I hope you read the two Biblical passages at the beginning of this blog post. One pointed out that it was one of God's angels who protected Daniel in the lion's den. Angels are real, and they are powerful, not silly. Demons are angels who have joined the "Dark side." Fact is though, there are twice as many angels as there are demons, so that's good news. 

Even better news, if you have the Holy Spirit living inside you, there is nothing to fear.

As I said, I am not an expert on these two beings, but I felt compelled to share some thoughts with you all.

This is a good resource listing some Biblical references to both angels and demons, please check it out.

Sources: 

 http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/angels-demons-15-powerful-bible-verses/#ixzz349ovvBLA

Beyond the Road

We drive on the pin-straight highway, 80 miles per hour.

Holes in the green blur by fast, but there is something there.

Speaking.

I imagine the dirty, bare feet which 

Saw those soiled trails as endless, once.

Possibilities never to excel the sky of imagining. 

Secrets to know in the leaves and earth

Dreams to dream without limits. 

A rest in intimacy which cannot be spoken

Not even shared. 

Simply felt or not felt. 

Connected or oblivious.

We drive past them now on highways, only seeing 

Straight, not inward or outward

Not dreaming or resting,

The journey is efficient, fenced off and quick.

Underbrush grown thick with thorns

Kudzu, and the like.

There is no one left to remember

Just a whisper that hints

There is more beyond the road.

Ramblings from my Quarter Centennial Existence.

Hanging on for dear life. To the job. To the persona. To the routine. To all of the THINGS. Hanging on for dear life because goodness knows your heart's not in it anymore.  It's only about suriving.

Then there are times, places, things that we want to hang onto forever, moments that make our hearts soar with pride, love, comfort.  Like a favorite song playing to a perfect drive, we wish it could last our whole lives long, but we can't keep those moments. They come and go. That's why they're moments. And beautiful people, too, are like the beautiful moments they fill. But the letting go always feels premature with things of such beauty, I suppose.

I will be turning twenty-five in a little over a month.  Quarter way through a centennial. Old enough to be getting this adulthood thing figured out. Young enough for mistakes to be allowed. Theoretically, it seems to me that this should be neither the age of letting go prematurely nor hanging on for dear life.

But that's theory. We base theory on life. Life doesn't plot accordingly.

For myself, and so many others that I know, our quarter-centennial lives have already defied said theory. Life has not been smooth. It's been a rollar coaster of tightly packed highs which are too quickly over, followed by incredible drops which left us feeling like we left some of our guts somewhere else.

I graduated college and got my first grown up job at the age of 20. I got engaged and married at age 21. We moved into our first apartment, both working hard scraping by during our first  year of marriage. I got promoted that year, and so did Dane. It was stressful, but good stress. A lot of change in a short amount of time at a young age. I was the youngest person I knew to be so many exits down the "super highway of life".

Then mama got sick. Six months of hell is basically what that was. And what followed was limbo.
Following June 18, this year has been kind of lost to me. I'm sure I'll always look back on it as a fuzzy time of hanging on and wondering just who the heck I'm really supposed to be and what is the point.

I've realized that the only thing that really matters in life is to love God and love His People. I've learned that super highways don't matter. I felt like I was on track, doing everything "right," but none of it matters.  Life is not a highway. It will always be a roller coaster. Ultimately no one cares if you graduate college a year early or are twenty years younger than everyone else at your job. People will care if you took time to love them.

However, I have also found more moments of joy because of what I've learned. I brace myself not just for the lows, but for the highs too, wanting to take in every detail of them and cherish them. Sometimes I mourn them before they are even over, which is just something that comes from being hurt, I think.  There are people whose love has been like a shot of adrennaline to my slow heart his year, and the memory of that love, which existed in the midst of the lows, is more valuable than it ever would have been in the highs.

In the meanwhile, I am done with super highways. They are not going where I am.
I want my life to be about:
Loving God, Family, Friends, Strangers, Enemies.
The adventure of true love and my marriage with a wonderful man.
Accept new challenges in relationships with others.
Traveling and exploration.
Growing creatively: reading, writing, and working on my projects as well as my mother's.
Being healthier: continuing to meet the fitness goals I have for myself.
Pursuing the loves God has placed in my heart.
Seeing beautiful things and making beautiful things.
Soaking in the highs.
Finding love in the lows.

Elsa and Anna: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

Meet Anna: "pixie dream girl," dorky, brave, romantic, happy-go-lucky, a social go-getter






Meet Elsa: serious, powerful, dangerous, responsible, emotional, a bit unstable, an independent loner

 Tomorrow, when you watch Disney's Frozen (and you should be doing that tomorrow because it will be available for purchase on DVD), I want you to ask yourself, "Are you an Anna or an Elsa?"
 
Of course, there are a lot of other wonderful things about the film to ponder and take note of: deep commentary about love, wonderful music, beautiful animation, much hilarity.

However, my question is one which may cross your mind, and if it does I want you to hang onto it and ponder it for a decent while.


 I must come across to most people as an Anna, based on the opinions of some friends (and a couple of my students who keep telling me I remind them of her.)  While I think that Anna is a really great character, I found it kind of odd initially that people associated me with her... because I definitely related to the Elsa character more when watching the film.

I've always been a feeler. I'm an INFP. Double on the N and the F. I pick up on a lot of things. I also FEEL things like CRAZY. Good things: friendships, romance, happiness, a pretty day....also bad things: injustice, anger, guilt, grief, loss. The only one who could ever understand/ relate to my crazy amounts of feeling isn't here anymore. So now, when the feelings come,  alone is also part of them. I really felt for Elsa in that clip at the very end of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" when she is up against the wall after their parents die and the whole room is a frozen mess all around.  When strong feelings hit me, especially grief, it feels like that sometimes.

However, I just realized, I don't act like that to most people. If I didn't have this blog, probably no one would have any idea how I felt except for a select few. Even those wouldn't really know: it's so much easier to write about something than say it out loud.

The more I think about it, the more I realize why I probably seem more like an Anna than an Elsa. To most of the people I spend time around (and most of these people are children so that heightens it surely) I am bubbly, awkward, and happy.


The more I think about that, the more I realize that these two characters could easily be two sides of the same coin.


Here's why:

Where would you keep you inner-Elsa, if you had one? Locked up of course: locked away or far removed from others. If you have an inner Elsa, no one probably gets close enough to catch her. She's too powerful, too emotional and volatile. She might scare people, so its probably best to keep her away from most people.

Meet Elsa's flaw: She's afraid of her own powers/emotions (which she has no idea how to control)..so afraid that she avoids any meaningful contact.
Meet Elsa's redeeming quality: She does this in order to protect those she loves, which is remarkably sacrificial.





If you had an inner Anna, where would you keep her?
Well Anna is always trying to get out and meet new people, so I suppose you could look as this character as the charmingly extroverted side of one's personality. This of course, is at different levels for different people. If you are naturally a bit introverted, then your "Anna" side might be like that of Anna in the movie (She doesn't get out a lot).

Meet Anna's flaw: She's in a reckless search for affection and is a little too eager to find it anywhere she can get it. Unlike Elsa, she is likely to rush into things too quickly, not think them through or feel them out enough.

Meet Anna's redeeming quality: She is fiercely brave and loyal to those who have her heart.


I love this movie for so many reasons, as you can probably tell. However, one of the reasons is that there is no true defined hero or villain. Both of the lead female characters are strong as well as flawed, and at the end of the film they both have to overcome their biggest flaws for the love they share for each other.


It's not only a powerful story of love and bravery, it's also (perhaps) a unique insight into the human psyche. A person rarely possesses only one of the following combinations of traits displayed by Elsa and Anna: Fear & Bravery, Independence & Dependence, Introversion & Extroversion. Both sisters also show different aspects of courage, love, loyalty which present themselves in a very believably human way.


So yes, watch this movie, please. 

Springtime Ballet

My mom and I loved to go see live performances together...the theatre or symphony, but especially ballet. I was a ballerina for about 15 years, from age 3 to age 18 (only seriously ambitious from about age 11 to 13), and mom always supported my dance interests enthusiastically. She never danced much herself, and she was by no means a "dance mom," she just thought it was so beautiful, and was so happy that it made me happy to do it.

At Christmas, and in the spring, we would typically go see the Local Ballet Company's (LBC from now on) production of the season, The Nutcracker and Something Else, respectively.
The LBC is no bit-shot deal, but they put on a lovely show for a small town company. The choreography is fresh, and the dancing is clean. The dancers always do a nice job.

Last spring, it was LBC production weekend, and mom was too sick to go anywhere. However, I had some dear girlfriends who came to town to spend some quality time and help me out; we ended up going to see the ballet, "Cinderella". As nice as it was, I felt weird not having my mom there. However, looking back, I am so grateful for that time when my friends took me in and gave me something that my mom couldn't at the time, but would have if she could.

Well, a few weeks ago I saw the billboard for this year's LBC springtime show, "Mary" (based on Mary Poppins). I love Mary Poppins. LOVE. You know who the first person I wanted to call was?
However, as I drove past, the excitement quickly soured into a sudden ache which nestled into the pit of my stomach, and breath whistled out of my mouth in a helpless sadness.
This happens a lot with the small things: I don't know what to do with it anymore, so I just let it sit there for awhile until something else gets my attention.

As a result, I decided that I didn't really have any interest in going to the ballet this year. It felt like something old me would do, something that new me couldn't. I didn't think I had any friends around who would want to go, and the men in my life would probably go if I forced them (but that's kind of against the point of doing something fun together).  Going alone would just be depressing.

Well, a couple of days after that, a co-worker and friend came up to me and excitedly said that there was going to be a ballet of Mary Poppins and that we should go. I love this friend, whose enthusiasm and hopeless romanticness kind of reminds me of my mom. Anyway, when she seemed so excited about going too, it made me feel unexpectedly relieved.

Even better, it turns out that there wasn't just one other person who could be excited about it, but several!  This soon developed into a group event: in no time, seven of us were going! I couldn't believe it. Only days before I thought that I had to let that memory go. Now I realized that "springtime ballet" could carry on in its girly tradition.

The seven of us had such a fun time today: we ate lunch at a great resturant on the square (my family's favorite, actually), and we walked over to the beautiful old auditorium to watch the ballet. It was a gorgeous, sunshine-y day to wander outside. The ballet itself was delightful and happy: impossible not to smile.

On this beautiful springtime day, I was so glad to spend time with these women. I teach with them, but I don't really ever get to spend much time just hanging out with them. It was really nice just to get to chat about regular stuff with them for a change. I think it was rare for all of us to take a whole afternoon and do something girly like getting dressed up, eating lunch out and seeing a ballet with other ladies. I know it's the first thing we have all done together outside of work.

I thought about my mom today a lot, and I missed her. But I didn't feel too sad. I felt happy thinking of all those memories and how she would be glad that I was making new ones and remembering her.  Maybe it's silly, and I don't know how it works, but I felt like she helped arrange today.  It would have been right up her alley.

The Most Exciting Joint in Gainesvegas

You know you live in a small, Southern town when simple things take on epic statures suddenly and seemingly of their own accord.

 It's hard to know how it starts, but anything new transforms quickly into rumors which adopt  newly concocted expressions. This all happens "before you can spit."

 These expressions find themselves passing seamlessly from the lips of the common folk to the well-to-do, even making it as far as that grandest authority: THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER.

This is how it works  in my town, lovingly  known to locals as "Gainesvegas."

The last year has presented a couple of new exciting speculations for Gainesvegas:

First, there was "The Bridge to Nowhere," a confusingly impressive structure planned by the city council, smack dab in the middle of town.

 It's expensive, has 24 hour security, and is well-lit. Driving underneath it, one might think, "Oh wow, look at that fancy bridge."

.......Then one might wonder how long ago the aliens decided to put it there.

 Because, truth be told, however suave its architecture, it does not match the rest of the colonial style downton area at all.

More interesting/confusing, and definitive of its title...it leads from the quaint downtown square to...are you ready for this????
NOWHERE.

I'm mean sure, there's SOMETHING there. I mean, the city council is trying to make it something, but right now it's just  patch of grass that's kind of close to the prison, a Holiday Inn, and a loan office.
Hence, "Bridge to Nowhere."

 

 Image source: lakelanier.com

Well, that is nothing compared to the speculations over the last year surrounding the
"Great Wall of Gainesville."

Let me tell you now about the Great Wall of Gainesville.
About a year ago, they started cutting down trees about two miles away from where I grew up. It was a lot of trees to take down and a weird place to do it.  The community of the tree-cutting has been a paper-mill community for the last hundred years or so. It's hitherto fairly undeveloped: a Dollar General, a local grocery store, a couple of retirement homes and some medical buildings. No real shopping to speak of. So, when they starting placing a GIANT retaining wall around the recently cleared, red-mud hill, there was no doubt that history was being made.




I

 Image source: The Gainesville Times

What WOULD they put there?
A movie theatre, some hoped.
A Barnes and Noble (unlikely, but I hoped)
Would it be a Cracker Barrel, or perhaps a Walmart?
Or could it be a new mall?
Apartments?

Well, I have to tell you that the cat has been out of the bag for a few months now, but yesterday was the grand opening of the mystery behind THE GREAT WALL...and I have to say all of my expectations were blown out of the water.

We have a Kroger, folks. Not just any Kroger, but a Kroger the likes of which the citizens of Gainesvegas have NEVER SEEN. A KROGER MARKETPLACE.

The only place in Gainesvegas, besides Walmart, which is open 24 hours.
There's a bakery. EVEN A STARBUCKS.
There's a GIANT natural foods section.
There's a lot of wine.
There are even really cute clothes, jewelry, lingerie, and a JEWELRY store.

Half of Gainesville was there yesterday for the opening.We just have never seen anything like it, yall.
 We walked like zombies presented with a gallery of fresh brains.
The Governer of the STATE even came.
Right here, three minutes away from where I sit in my childhood home, this icon of civilization stands, beaming 24 hours a day, protected by The Great Wall of Gainesville. 

It even made it to the local newspaper:
http://www.gainesvilletimes.com/section/6/article/96738/

Unfortunately, when no mystery is involved, these miracles tend to have more boring names. This amazing new feature of my little town will probably be called "The New Kroger" until someone builds another Kroger in about twenty years. However, I'm sure that it will be much more appreciated than either The Great Wall or the Bridge to Nowhere by the residents of Gainesvegas.


I have to say that it's moments like this that really make me appreciate the South. I can understand why so many writers and artists live in this part of the world (more than you would think from popular media): interesting characters abound, and wordy significance always takes an interest in the smallest of things.