Sure, I had friends, but they never really "got" me, and I never really "got" them, not in the way that I wanted to deep down. I don't think this is abnormal really. I see it at school all the time. Kids find other kids who are kind of like them in some way and they just stick together, like little dust bunnies. I think the only reason it even bothered me as a Little (categorically, a "Little" is someone under the age of 12 in my mind) is because I was almost ridiculously emotionally aware (still am, but am an adult now, so a little less weird. Hopefully)
I had a lot of friends I hung out with. I had dance friends. Church friends. School friends. They were nice to me and I was nice to them. We did things together like birthday parties, afterschool outings, spend the nights.
But still, I always hoped to find what Anne Shirley would call a "kindred spirit" friend. Especially around middle school. I would say that this is also pretty normal for most people. Either that, or it had something to do with The Fellowship of the Ring coming out when I was in middle school. I mean, I was heartsick for this kind of friendship. A Frodo and Samwise kind of friendship.
I was also heartsick over Elijah Wood, but that's another story.
I found some great friends when I started at Heritage Academy in middle school. Our friendships may also have had their origin in The Fellowship of the Ring....about half of them could speak Elvish. Anyway.
The next year I went back to homeschooling so I could travel with my parents, who had started up a counseling practice in Mississippi for half the month. Gradually, I lost track with most of the people I had been close to. However, there was another girl from that group of friends who had also switched schools that year. Corinne and I had been in the same circle of friends, but never really hung out just the two of us. I am not even sure we got along very well when we were actually in school together. One time I chased her around at a sleepover trying to share some glitter that I had brought, and that did not go over well. I thought glitter was awesome, and she hated it. Today, I think we know how to meet each other in the middle on those kind of debates.
We really bonded over books and writing, resulting in a lot of good discussions, olden style e-mails, and the formation of a creative writing group "The Inklings." But then we just started bonding over a lot of things, and sharing even about the things we didn't have in common. There were deep discussions, stupid boy drama, and many adventures. There was the formation of the world's silliest rock band. There were college applications and then going to different colleges. There was discussion about the "big ideas" that came from college. There were many separate adventures now, and many new friends, but all of them shared and cared about. (here, I think, is where true friendship starts to show itself, the kind that most Littles can't understand, when you care what other people are doing even when it has nothing at all to do with you). Corinne's grandfather, Earl, passed away suddenly. The first truly sad thing that happened in the course of our friendship.
My dad had a stroke. I came home from college and hadn't been at the hospital long before Corinne was there too.
I was in England for months, and Corinne was in Wales for a year, but we were always in touch. I got engaged and she helped me plan as much as possible in the few days she was home from Wales on break. She came home to be my maid of honor. She and Dane became good friends too. I'm so glad- it's so much fun when the three of us get to hang out and be super, extra nerdy. I also love Corinne's friends and her Birmingham roomates. That's another thing about friendships. I think that really good friendships always have room for, and welcome, the making of more good friends.
My mom got sick, and Corinne was there. It always seemed like she was there at just the right time. When things were the hardest, she would be there and things would always seem better for a little while. The time she visited in April really stands out. We went to a local bluegrass festival in the mountains, which was why she had come, and arrived home that afternoon to find that my mom had gone back to the hospital again. It was a lot more serious that time than many of the other times. Things didn't look good. We were at the hospital very late and when we came back could not sleep. All three of us stayed up until the early hours of the morning, talking, coloring and watching Bones.
There were a lot of times like that.
The next time Corinne visited, her grandmother, Judy, passed away.
When she was there two weeks later, my mom died.
Too much to write, to really say, here. It didn't change anything. Didn't change what happened or how it hurt (how it still hurts). But it meant the world to have her there, just the same.
I'm so glad to have Corinne in my life. She's been the kindred spirit, the Samwise kind of friend, that I always wanted to have when I was younger. Even more than that, she has taught me so much about friendships and about loving people. I feel that this friendship, which the first really deep friendship that I ever formed outside of my immediate family, has helped (and will continue) to me delevop subsequent friendships. It has helped me with my marriage, too.
When you're little, you want to find someone who is just like you to be friends with. It is natural to be drawn towards those with similar interests, just as it is natural to be influenced (or to influence) those with whom you spend time. This happens with superficial as well as with very deep friendships. However, similarities are not the foundation of the most solid friendships...nor is influence the only thing that maintains them.
What I've learned from Corinne, as well as from my husband, and many other dear friends, is that the best friendships can be grown into even better friendships by compassion, patience, laughter, selflessness, openess, vulnerability. In other words? Love.
It's not an uncommon lesson, a pretty normal thing that you find out as you grow up, but I am blessed to know this, and to have people in my life who demonstrate what it is to be a true friend.
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